Kids Coping Skills

Coping Skills for School Stress

You wake your seven-year-old up for school and know immediately it’s not going to be a smooth morning. They 1) pretend they don’t hear you and burrow back under the covers then 2) say they’re sick and can’t go to school, then 3) get out of bed but stomp around and refuse to do anything to get ready until you are 10 minutes’ late leaving and then they’re anxious because they’re going to be late.

Bad kid? It might feel like it. But they may also be too tired or stressed about going to school and just not sure how to cope.

School Makes Me Stressed

As adults, we feel stress in big and small ways, including in supporting our kids’ behavior and academic progress in school. We push them in those areas and can forget that there are many ways children can be stressed in school. When they’re stressed and don’t know coping skills for managing it on their own, behaviors can get worse and academics can suffer, making for a vicious cycle.

What can be invisible to the adult eye (and can really stress a child out):

1. Other kids: whether bullies or not. Social situations are hard to navigate for a lot of us, no matter how old we are

2. Adults: teachers & staff are under a ton of pressure and so can be impatient/not aware of a problem/unclear about expectations. It’s not for lack of trying, but it can stress students out

3. New or unusual situations: lots of us thrive with structure, and schools can be amazing at creating it. But when it’s back-to-school or testing season, the routines can go out the window or be hard to understand, causing our children to worry

Signs of Stress in Children

Kids exhibit stress in all kinds of ways that adults would recognize in their colleagues, but see as misbehavior in their children. Examples include:

1. Irritability

2. Refusal to comply with directions

3. Resistance to transitions (moving from one activity to another)

4. Physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches

5. Complaining/Crying/Whining

Pay attention to when and how you’re seeing some of these behaviors–they may let you know your child is stressed and needs some help. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you’re seeing. A simple statement like “I think you’re stressed out about going to school” can go a long way to helping a child feel understood and helping them understand what’s going on. (P.S. This kind of statement is not, by the way, a permission slip for not going to school.)

Coping Skills for Stress

Some of the best coping strategies for children are going to come from watching the adults around them manage their own stress. Some ideas for parents:

1. Create a routine that works for your family and follow it for easier days (tips for schedule success)

2. When you’re overwhelmed, stop and take a breath. Or two. Or ten. 

3. Feed yourself and take yourself outside to get some fresh air and movement

4. Work on one thing at a time

Types of Coping Skills

There are many different ways we can cope with stress and they can definitely help decrease children’s school stress. Examples include managing our time well with work & play included, taking time to support our health, using mindfulness activities, and not expecting perfection. 

Coping Skills for Children

Often, adults feel like children should manage their own stress and be able to use a coping skill they’ve been taught. But this may be too hard. If you’re little and stressed, remembering to take deep breaths before you cry is just not easy. So it falls on adults to provide coping skills to children in the form of modeling and structuring. 

Examples of Coping Skills

1. Planning

   A lot of stress comes from unpredictability or inability to affect our environment. Adults can combat this stress for their kids by using routines or schedules and following them on an every day basis. Be sure you’re including time for relaxation and play in your routine. For older kids, help them plan out steps in a big project or make time for accomplishing tasks they need to complete.

2. Caring for our bodies

   When we’re “hangry” (angry because we’re hungry), or over-tired, or under-hydrated, we can be stressed and can’t cope with our environment. Be sure your kids are getting plenty of sleep, keep some snacks on hand so they can get some nutrition when they need it, and follow a bedtime routine for them to get enough sleep. These are basics, but they’re coping skills, because they give your child a solid foundation to handle stressors that will come at them during their school day.

3. Practicing

   Describe and model ways to accept less-than-perfect outcomes. Kids are under a lot of pressure to do well at school (and of course we want them to!). But expecting immediate perfection or only good grades can lead to high stress levels. Talk about a skill you’re learning to master and be open about the times you haven’t gotten it right yet. When a grade comes in lower than you or your child hoped for, talk about ways they can study or practice so they learn. Encourage their efforts: “you really studied for that test/worked hard on that assignment!” vs. praising the product “I’m so proud you got an A!”

4. Calming

   When stress overwhelms your child, practice some calming activities with them. Being mindful (paying attention to what you can see/hear/smell/taste/touch), breathing deeply, stretching or moving, or coloring all can be coping strategies when stress gets too high. Doing these things at home before stress hits can still help, because they provide an overall calming effect and your little one is less likely to hit their stress threshold so quickly. You can also help them practice ways to use them at school that aren’t disruptive or won’t embarrass them.

Stress Coping Skills

Practicing coping skills with your child is an ongoing project–they will experience school stress in different ways as they make their way through their academic years. It’s so important to know that they need a listening ear and some support with coping strategies, no matter how old they are or how capable they might seem. 

If you think it’s a good idea, let your child’s teacher know that you’re working on coping skills at home and share any skills you’ve helped your child practice so the teacher will see how hard they’re working.

If you see that your child is stressed more often than not, it may be a good idea to seek some professional support. Therapy can give them a way to work through big feelings and take some of the pressure off. If you’re wondering about how therapy or even parent coaching could help reduce your child’s stress and increase their coping skills, schedule a free phone consultation. We’ll answer your questions and let you know how we can help!